words.

words have been a long time companion of mine. I understand them, and they understand me, in a sense.

they take what I'm thinking and make it concrete. when I read them back, it's almost like looking into a mirror that shows far beyond my exterior.

every single day, I wish that I understood people as well as words.

I suppose I had a lot of quiet hours to spend alone with my thoughts growing up. I was an only child and I wasn't very outgoing or loud. I daydreamed and thought up stories and poems and bizarre ideas. I had imaginary friends and conjured up these fantastic places for us to visit.

I started formally writing when I was 9, and it's been my favorite retreat from the world since. when I'm somewhere that I can't sing, I write.

I write letters to people who have hurt me. even if they never get the letter, I put it down someplace so they may leave my head and make room for better things to enter.

I am socially awkward and working very hard to change it. it's difficult for me. I have spent more time with myself, retreating into the sanctities of my mind, than I have with another person.

my advantage, though, is that I have grown to be very observant.

the phrase 'always watch the quite ones' is very true. not that we're crazy, just that we aren't vegetables. we don't sit there and shut down. we see things that other people miss while they're talking.

I for one have an excellent memory for little things that others don't catch. I remember dates, times, how people word things, and several other seemingly miniscule details.

my note taking is precise and I don't let it get sloppy.

words have become something I obsess over.

I hate people who refer to them as empty or limiting. I hate people who throw words like 'love' around. what you say sticks to people. it plants itself inside of them and remains there. I think people should be more aware that negative things seem to root themselves even deeper, and every variation of 'sorry' in the world can't uproot them.

this is the barrier, though, I suppose. this is why I can't be socially comfortable. I'm analytical and my only strong point is my writing.

but this is also why my imagination hasn't been smothered by this society yet. I'd prefer to keep that than an overactive social life.