I have come to terms with the fact that my parents are separated, but I don't think they consider how it inconveniences me.

I know it's not my relationship, but I'm still in the mix. I have spent so much time at home this summer because I go back and forth between two houses, and if I'm with my dad, I can't visit anybody. all of my friends are near my mom's.

I also lose all of my books and movies, not knowing which house I left them at last.

My mom also thinks it's okay to tell me how badly she wants a man in her life, meanwhile my dad always tells me that he hates being alone and he just wants someone to care about him.

When I use my mom's computer, I always stumble upon her dating profiles, and mens' facebook and myspace pages who she meets through them. She always lies and says she'd never date someone seriously because it'd hurt my dad, but she's doing it in secret, which I think is worse.

I hate that she uses my longing to find my soul mate as a means to relate to me. I'm very close with my father, and she's done something awful to hurt him that he's still unaware of. I wish I didn't even know. She asked him to move out. He's been miserable on-and-off since.

I hate seeing people I love hurt so bad, especially my father, who still goes back to her house to fix things and move furniture for her. He shouldn't feel obligated to anymore, but I guess loving someone makes you stupid, even when they don't appreciate what you do for them anymore.

I want both of them to be happy, but it's hard for me to know that my mom is looking for someone else secretively while my dad is hoping that they'll work things out in the future.

It's not fun living out of a duffel bag and planning my life around which house I'll happen to be at on a given day. especially when I have work, I have to be at my dad's, since my mom won't drive me to the city.

I get nothing done because I'm constantly going back and forth.
I had so many plans for this summer.
and somehow, not finishing them doesn't seem to be what bothers me most.
it's the fact that my parents are both unhappy no matter what, and they think that I'm going to be this rock that won't be affected by what's going on with them.

I normally don't like to post things about my personal life on the internet, but I need to vent, and I have too many people who claim to be my friends that will vent to me then give me the cold shoulder when I need some help.
I also know barely anyone reads this, so I guess it's a safe place to release some negative energy.

the way this society ruins self-image is a disgrace.

Beauty pageants always portray thin, busty, leggy women.

There are so many gorgeous women in this world who don't fit that bill.

I've seen beautiful women who are curvy and embrace it, I've seen people with disabilities who glow with more confidence and radiance than some of these "beauty queens". I think it's shallow that we have women strut half naked in front of a panel to be judged, while there are coming-of-age girls out there dealing with self-image issues. Imagine just growing into yourself and watching cookie cutter women be judged for perfection? it's gross.


growing up I was always really tiny and thin, almost scrawny. I was always made fun of, people would joke that I was born premature, as if that would even be something to laugh at if I were.

I was always self conscious, finding fitting clothes was a nightmare, and then bigger people would tell me to stop complaining, because I was luckier than them.

I internalized my body image problems until I recently realized just how much I like my body. I am so fortunate to have health and love that I realized there was nothing wrong with me physically. and when the beauty fades, it's the personality that matters. when the face wrinkles, your smile's all that you've go to physically portray your internal radiance.

I want to live in a world where big girls, small girls, and all of the in-betweens feel beautiful about who they are, and who can embrace their bodies' uniqueness. I want people to learn to see their individual traits not as 'flaws', but as their individual and beautiful characteristics. everyone is beautiful. everyone deserves to feel confidence and love and hope.
if anyone tells you otherwise, they're ugly on the inside, and they're nobody to talk.

Sincere thanks.

I would like to extend my deepest thank-yous to all of you who tried (and continue to try) to break me.

nothing motivates me quite like the world's negativity. I think this is a common trait I share with many people who have achieved wonderful things; people who saw things that were wrong, who were told it couldn't be fixed, and still said, 'I can do this. I can make it right. I'll prove it to you'.

I may not make some grandiose change in the world, but I WILL be something and achieve my goals.

but I waned to say thank you for motivating me. the thought of the look on your face when I succeed... oh, goodness.

words have been exhausted.

what's left to believe in?

a most tragic flaw.

I will never be able to stop caring.

One can only attempt to bury their own emotions for so long.

At the end of the day, I'm alone with thoughts that I'm ultimately incapable of escaping.