I am.

I am 19 years old. I have green eyes and hair that changes colors more often than a horse from Oz.
I'm messy and imperfect. I'm clumsy and I trip over nothing. I dwell on things and sometimes I have a temper that's far too quick. I'm forgetful and I apologize relentlessly even if it wasn't me who messed up. I miss the same people for far too long and I give too much to people who don't give me back half as much. every night, I lay in bed and am almost brought to tears by dissatisfaction.
I'm dissatisfied that I can't help all the people who I want to. I'm dissatisfied that at the end of the day, I have no one to call and talk to who wants to do the same with me.
I'm not fashionable and men don't look twice at me. sometimes I lose sight of what's important. I get frustrated easily, yet I have tremendous patience for all the wrong things.
I rant on twitter a lot because in reality, nobody listens to me talk. people shout over me and don't pause to hear what I need to say.
I want to be successful as a singer so someday, I'm the one with the microphone and they have to shut up.
I've learned to become an observer since I can't be a communicator.
I shake my leg vigorously because it relaxes me.
I look everyone in the eye when they talk to me, and that seems to intimidate them, when all I mean to do is show respect.
I fear disappointing people who I care about, even the ones who don't care about me anymore.
I am an old soul.
I have been very conscious of death since I was young.
I have OCD with certain things. I have a planner that I write everything in, even things like snow days. I like to know where I was on any given day.
I also keep a back up planner in case I lose the main one.
I'm a major people pleaser.

sometimes I wonder why I can't find anyone to rely on, then I look at all my flaws. I remember what Marilyn Monroe said; "if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"


I haven't met someone who can handle me yet, I suppose.
When I look at it that way, I think it'll be worth the wait.
because I'm not an easy person.